Having thought about the past these last few days and the pain that I've kept close to my heart caused me to ponder life in a new way. I usually a pessimistic person who approached life rationally and pragmatically. However, circumstances sometimes calls for me to stretch out of my shell and do something things that make me uncomfortable. I've had to open up my self to let others see my deepest hurts and struggles. Now this is not easy but it is also therapeutic. It forces me to reckon with the emotions I've kept inside all these years.
A lot of times I wrote poetry from emotion, sometimes positive sometimes negative. For a while I thought maybe I should try to write more positive poetry because I didn't want people to think badly of me for being so dark. My sister told me something that really helped. She said, "Write poetry that flows from your emotions. Don't care about what other people Weill say or think. Just express your thoughts." This was freeing for me because so often I do things because I am afraid of what people will think but in doing this I do not live up to my potential., not do is hate my true self.
I am tired of sequestering myself for fear of others rejecting who I am, or in some way my work. Living life to its fullest, knowing true friendship and honest love is the beauty that comes from stepping out in faith to share yourself with others. It will take me a while to learn this but I truly believe it is worth it--to find beauty through pain.
